Yes, I’m One of the “Vaccine Hesitant.” Here’s Why.

Covid vaccine "refuseniks" aren't just being stubborn. We have good reasons.

This article was originally published on May 7, 2021 on Medium, which has since censored me. In the ensuing months, even more information has come out demonstrating how potentially dangerous and dubiously “effective” these new vaccine technologies are. I’ve written an update at the bottom of the post.

There’s a lot in the news right now about the “vaccine hesitant.” I’m one of them. I’m not anti-vaccine, but I’ve decided not to take any mRNA vaccines. This isn’t just about hesitancy. At this point, it’s a firm NO, and no amount of social scolding or nagging is going to change my mind.

We’re at a very dangerous point in history where we are all about to lose the most basic right we have — the right to determine what goes into our own bodies.

For years, the pro-choice movement has argued that “my body, my choice” supersedes the rights of any potential growing life within the womb.

Now, “my body, my choice” may soon become a memory, if we let this dangerous precedent of vaccine passports determine public health policy going forward.

Look, if you think the vaccine is right for you, then that’s your choice. (Now, there’s the potential issue of these vaccines “shedding” something allegedly, but for now let’s take that off the table.)

I am not here to tell you not to take the vaccine. That’s your choice.

I have very personal reasons as to why I don’t want to take an experimental vaccine. My choice should also be respected.

We seem to be forgetting: COVID-19 is not an extinction-level event! It is a virus that more than 99% of the infected will survive. My 93-year-old aunt in poor health in a nursing home got it and survived. A neighbor who is elderly and not very healthy got it and was fine. A friend’s 90-year-old mother got it and it was no big deal for her.

I do also know of people who got COVID-19 and died. I am not one of those people who thinks the virus is a hoax. It is a serious health problem.

But, COVID-19 is not a death sentence for the vast majority of people who get it.

By and large, COVID-19 is more likely to kill people with vitamin D deficiency (which is why it hits people more with darker skin) and people who don’t exercise regularly (that is a fact). I take vitamin D daily, I exercise almost daily, I am at a healthy weight, and I don’t have any underlying conditions that should put me more at risk with COVID-19.

If anything, I have a potential underlying condition that may make me more at risk of a vaccine reaction.

Being Vaccine Hesitant Does Not Make You Anti-Science

The problem is, people who are “vaccine hesitant” are now being painted in the news as “anti-science.” This is disingenuous as best, and paid-for propaganda at its worst.

You don’t have to watch news channels for long to see where their bread is buttered. Many are just 24-hour commercials for Big Pharma interspersed with some political commentary pretending to be news.

So, please, stop with this holier-than-thou attitude of being pro-science. Until these “news” organizations disavow any and all money from Big Pharma, I think it’s sheer naivety to trust their reporting on these new vaccine technologies.

Pfizer, by the way, is projected to make $26 billion off their experimental mRNA vaccine. You don’t need to concoct a conspiracy theory of global depopulation to see a big profit motive in pushing these new vaccines. Here in America, they are protected from any lawsuits due to faulty vaccines, so companies like Pfizer have absolutely no reason other than PR to make sure their products are safe.

Now that the major news outlets rely on Big Pharma money for advertising, companies like Pfizer also can trust on the media to cover up any concerns about their products as well. I don’t think the scientists who created mRNA vaccines are trying to hurt people, but there is sure a profit motive on the corporate side to downplay any bad side effects. To me, this is a recipe for disaster…if not now, in the future.

My Reasons for Not Getting an mRNA Vaccine

My reasons for not wanting an mRNA vaccine are not just knee-jerk reactions. I have done a ton of research, pro and con, and finally determined it was better to skip the vaccines for now. Why?

1. mRNA delivery hasn’t been tested enough. This is brand new technology. We just don’t know what the long-term effects are going to be.

Do you need to be a microbiologist to think it might just be a bad idea to train the body to make a spike protein that itself might cause damage to bodily tissues? To me, these mRNA vaccines are a recipe for autoimmune disorders. I think time will show this, but it may be years, and at that point, doctors and “experts” on the news will disclaim any connection between mRNA vaccines and these new mysterious conditions popping up.

Sorry, but no thanks. I’m not going to risk it.

2. While major side effects are rare, some of them include neurological damage. My mom was one of those who suffered a neurological side effect from the swine flu vaccine that was pulled off the market in 1976, something like Bell’s Palsy. She recovered, but avoided vaccines for decades after that. She did choose to get an mRNA vaccine finally, and was OK.

But I also tend to react strangely to medicines. I once had a full-blown temporal seizure (half my body was jerking uncontrollably) due to an antibiotic. I also developed neuropathy on a few days on another antibiotic.

Additionally, I am currently dealing with a chronic condition (that is yet not understood) that includes small fiber neuropathy (sensory nerve damage). It happened after an acute infection. I also get odd twitches in my body. One of my first neurologists, very well-respected, told me that “benign” twitching can often happen after a vaccination…and this was before COVID-19.

My nerves are already damaged. I can’t risk them getting damaged more. Trust me, you do not want permanent sensory nerve damage. You do not want chronic nerve twitching either. It’s a private little hell you can’t escape from, that no-one really believes, because on the outside you look fine.

I’ve seen the videos of the women who suffered the nerve damage from mRNA. There is one video where the woman is shaking from head to toe as she was holding a doorway. I remember feeling like that — I looked almost exactly the same during my infection, the day I was in the ER for a brain MRI (which was normal).

So excuse me if I think my very small risk of death from COVID-19 isn’t worth risking possible future torture in the form of more permanent nerve damage that Western medicine cannot cure or even treat. I’m not out spreading the virus. I work from home and stay home 99% of the time.

3. I may be at a higher risk of a vaccine reaction than most people. I have been diagnosed with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome, which might make me more at risk for a vaccine reaction.1

Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) is an immune system disorder where your body basically is overreacting as if you have allergies without any real allergies. It’s hard to diagnose via bloodwork (since you have to catch it at the right time) so my diagnosis is based on symptoms. I’m not sure if MCAS is my issue so much as a chronic infection, but either way, it’s clear my immune system is a bit aggravated.

I do seem to do OK with traditional vaccines. You know, the ones that actually have a fragment of the virus in them. But hell no, I’m not going to get a “vaccine” that tells my body to pump out a spike protein when my body may already have a problem with mast cell overproduction.

I was actually considering taking the Johnson & Johnson vaccine until the blood clot issue was uncovered. That’s a no for me as well, in part because I’m on estrogen right now and that raises risks of blood clots.

See, my health. I’m assessing my risk based on my personal situation. Which is how it should be for everyone.

4. I may already be protected from COVID-19. Not only is my blood Type O, which is at less risk of COVID-19, I got the MMR (measles/mumps/rubella) vaccine in December because studies show that it may protect against severe coronavirus. (See? I told you I wasn’t anti-vaccine across the board.)2

In fact, I would wager a guess that the MMR vaccine is very protective against COVID-19, we just don’t know by how much. For example, countries that had low MMR vaccination rates like Italy had the highest death rates. Unfortunately, I bet profits from the new vaccine technology will suppress any good news about the old MMR vaccines should it come out.

In the meantime, if taking an “old school” vaccine is not a big risk for you, the MMR vaccine might be a good alternative to the mRNA if you want some COVID-19 protection.

Either way, I’m definitely not in the high-risk group of people who have a 1 in 10 chance of dying from COVID-19. My risk factor is more like 1% or less, and that’s not factoring in the additional protection I may have from being Type O and taking the MMR vaccine.

5. A bad reaction to the COVID-19 vaccine can mean sudden death. Statistically speaking, I may be at a higher risk of death from coronavirus. However, if you have a bad reaction to the mRNA vaccine, it can kill you almost instantly, as was most likely the case of Drene Keyes, who died within 20 minutes of her first Pfizer dose. (The state refused an autopsy out of fears of encouraging “vaccine hesitancy” — which is all about an agenda, not science!)

It’s really not a thing where you get COVID-19 and suddenly keel over instantly. Therefore, I’d rather take my chances that therapeutics will continue to improve, and I have an opportunity to recover from COVID-19, which might take weeks to kill me, as opposed to having a massive, instantaneous reaction to an mRNA vaccine that no-one can save me from.

Death is permanent.

Balancing Out Risk of COVID-19 vs. Risk from New Vaccine Technologies

As you can see, I analyzed my risk of catching and dying from COVID-19 versus my risk of having a serious reaction from these new vaccines…which could include neurological damage and blood clots, which lead to sudden death.

I also looked at my overall anxiety level should I get the vaccine. I’m still trying to recover from my MCAS/chronic infection or whatever it is. I think the stress of getting these vaccines is not worth it at this time. Even if I don’t have a serious, bad reaction to an mRNA vaccine, what if it reactivates the whatever-it-is I’ve been recovering from the past few years?

Am I worried about COVID-19? Yes. But I’m hoping the MMR vaccine and my Type O blood will mitigate the worst of it.

Is that good enough for the people who think we all need a vaccine? Maybe not.

UPDATE 9/21/21:

A lot has happened since May, and I’ve been stunned by the rapid increase in censorship as well as the disgusting demonization of the unvaccinated by our politicians and the media. This heavy-handed censorship and authoritarianism has only made me more determined not to get a risky covid vaccine, because now it’s a matter of principle.

What if I died from covid? F&ck it, the way this world is going (Nazi 2.0), I may not be missing much. But I’m prepared with antiviral herbs and anti-inflammatories, so I’ll do my best to stay alive just to piss off the naysayers. :-D

Project Veritas has started to release a series of whistleblower videos. Unfortunately, Project Veritas stepping into this mess may make it harder to get the message across to progressives. I hope people can set aside political bias here and consider what is being shared—vaccine reactions aren’t being properly reported.

On the positive, Black Lives Matters has begun to protest vaccine mandates in New York City based on concerns they are being used to discriminate against black patrons. Perhaps we can overcome the partisan divide on this issue?

As for myself, I have been looking to find a doctor to provide me with a medical exemption. My integrative doctor refused (I was frankly a bit surprised) and I contacted another integrative doctor in my area whose assistant actually emailed me to say that the doctor wasn’t giving out any medical exemptions at all during a pandemic! I was shockedthis to me is highly unethical, and I’m still deciding whether to email her back and share this.

I’m also debating whether to ask my rheumatologist at Kaiser Permanente for an exemption. I wouldn’t be surprised if Kaiser was putting pressure on its doctors, and I don’t want to get pissed off at him unnecessarily. Word on the street is that doctors in general are being pressured to not give out exemptions and many may fear they could lose their medical license.

While I don’t need one for work (I work from home), I am arranging a religious exemption just in case…for travel (I’m not sure if it will work) or otherwise. I now feel very strongly that any “vaccine” that messes with my cell’s natural functioning (i.e., to coerce it to create a spike protein) is morally wrong…not to mention just plain stupid. Gee, what could possibly go wrong, making your cells produce a potentially toxic spike protein that your immune system then begins to fight off?

Nothing to see here, folks. move along.


Holistic Health Podcast on Odysee and Rumble

Covid Vaccine Freedom Channel on Telegram

Holistic Healing Channel on Telegram

Holistic Health & Wellness Community at Locals

Uncensored Holistic Healing Community at MeWe


Since I wrote this, I have also been diagnosed with fibromyalgia by a different doctor (a rheumatologist). Fibromyalgia may be an autoimmune disorder and some say vaccines could make fibromyalgia worse or even cause it.


Unfortunately, the MMR vaccine has a common and known side effect (confirmed by the CDC) of giving women arthritis afterwards. I seem to be one of those women. I did not know that when I initially wrote this article, and I was going through a string of tests to try to figure out why my hands started hurting really badly…which started after my MMR shot. I didn’t connect the dots until later.