The Onion Is No Longer Funny. It's Creepy.
Sorry, but conservatives seem to have a better sense of humor these days.
I’m on a mission to laugh more. Probably the best satire website on the Internet right now is the Babylon Bee, which has a decidedly conservative bent, but has a quirky approach that highlights much of the aburdities of modern life.
I hadn’t been reading the Bee recently, but decided last night as I was falling asleep that I was going to take some time to read satire daily.
Now…talk about a weird coincidence. I had not yet read the Babylon Bee this morning, but decided to check out the first big online satire website, The Onion, to see if it had gotten any better recently. After reading some very terrible stories on The Onion, I typed up the headline: The Onion Is No Longer Funny and started documenting the unfunny crap being peddled there.
AFTER I decided to write up how bad The Onion has gotten, I visited Babylon Bee, only to find their top story today is…dum da dum:
OK, that was weird.
The Babylon Bee Has Announced We Will Lend Struggling Satire Site 'The Onion' One Of Our Two Jokes
Upon hearing the news that the Onion had been sold off yet again this past week, the Babylon Bee has decided to step in and help the floundering satire site by lending them one of its two jokes.
"We will even let them choose which joke," said Babylon Bee CEO Seth Dillon in a statement. "They can have the 'identifies as' joke, or the, um... what was our other one?"
Synchronicities aside, The Onion has gotten really bad. Their top story right now is a disgusting, unfunny piece titled Mom Pretty Jealous Of All The Dick Teenage Daughter Going To Pull With Those Highlights.
“Honestly, I’m happy knowing what these dirty blond highlights will do for Cassie, but it’s hard not to wish I were in her boots, knowing the second she’s back at school she’s going to be plowed six ways from Sunday,” said Bennett, admitting she had mixed feelings of pride and enviousness as she imagined the way her daughter’s L’Oreal DIY highlights would get her tossed from classmate to classmate like a rag doll.
Seriously, joking about teenage girls getting plowed six ways from Sunday? This isn’t funny, it’s sick.
The Onion appears to lean on crass sexual content in lieu of smart commentary…such as this 2021 piece: ‘The Onion’ Accidentally Sent Our Sex Columnist To Interview The Pope.
The Onion: Let’s start off with an easy question. What do you think about rimming?
Pope Francis: Can we please stick to the topic of religion and the papacy?
Wow. Are they writing pieces while high on pot or something? Or did they hire a bunch of 13-year-old boys?
Worse is a more recent piece called Teenagers Explain What It's Like Partying With Matt Gaetz, which is a slideshow of teenagers talking about doing drugs and having sex with Matt Gaetz, with comments like: “He has the torso of a 5 year old, which actually made me feel like I was the groomer.”
This isn’t funny, it’s creepy.
The only Onion story that cracked a smile for me was: Biden Carried Away By Ants.
Nice touch with the anthill photoshopped in the lawn.
The thing is, I don’t want to wade through pedophile content just to get to a few smiles.
Meanwhile, over at a copycat of Babylon Bee that does a fine good job, Genesius Times, we have this article that make me crack up like crazy:
BREAKING: The ‘Free Palpatine’ movement spreads across the US
It all started when some well-meaning but misinformed individuals somehow mixed up their knowledge of world politics with their love for the epic space saga that is Star Wars. As a result, they’ve been ardently advocating for the liberation of a Sith Lord, Emperor Palpatine, blissfully unaware that he’s a creation of cinematic fiction.
The movement’s followers are a sight to behold, often dressing up in Sith robes and wielding toy lightsabers (albeit unlit) while marching through the streets with banners proclaiming, “Free the Senate’s Supreme Leader.” A quick reminder, the “Senate” they’re referring to is not the United States Senate but the Galactic Senate in a galaxy far, far away.
Some people have taken Palpatine to be referring to President* Joe Biden, who is also known as Emperor Palbiden.
This is excellent satire, because it’s not only irreverent and weird (in a good way), it’s memorable. Now, anytime I hear the chant: “Free Free Palestine!” I’ll hear “Free Free Palpatine!” in my head…which isn’t a bad thing. I find most protest chants to be annoying ear worms.
Now, conservative satire sites do sometimes default to trite commentaries on woke culture, such as this ho-hum piece about a young job hunter with facial tattoos in Genesius Times: Local college grad says it’s ‘impossible’ to find a job these days.
But then we have this little gem on the same site:
Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years
A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years.
“I’ve done my work and I save my daylight,” the retired urologist Bill Pardot explains, “but I’m not stupid and I don’t go spending it every fall, completely wasting the hour I saved.”
Pardot has been changing his clocks just like everyone each spring, but has yet to change them back every fall, thus giving him a full 24-hours of daylight a day.
Why are conservatives funnier now in general?
I’ve noticed a growing trend here in the United States since the mid-2000s that the left has gotten much angrier and more punitive. I used to be a die-hard leftist. But I thought we were the side of love and light.
Over time I found that (in general) conservatives were always much kinder to me even if they disagreed with me on things (such as yoga). But if you talk to someone who is part of the Big Pharma “pro-science” left on social media, they’ll almost immediately start insulting you, calling you names, saying how “stupid” you are, and possibly full-on blocking you.
People who have this much hate in their heart are incapable of being truly funny.
Now, there is a cruel humor, the humor of the evil, which laughs at other people’s pain and misery. The kind of evil person who would laugh at someone being tortured. But I don’t call this true humor - it’s sadism, simply using laughter as a mask.
Real humor and real laughter have to have a component of lightheartedness in it. And right now, the people who are under the spell of Big Pharma, who have been drowned in chemicals and shots, have lost their ability to lighten up.
I’ll continue to search for some good satire sites, from both the right and the left, and share them in the future. If you have any other recommendations, please let us know in the comments.
Spot on. Leftists do cringe clapter, not comedy: https://yuribezmenov.substack.com/p/how-to-tell-a-joke-comedy-clapter-cringe-snl
It’s the same thing that’s happening with comedians. Unlike Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, and John Oliver who cannot bear to poke fun at the foibles of the left, Ricky Gervais, Bill Maher and Dave Chappelle are equal opportunity comedians. That’s why they are consistently funny and the others are not.