“Woke” used to be an epithet. No longer.
The “woke” have now decide to claim the derisive term and refashion it as a word of empowerment, similar to how the term “queer” has been repurposed.
In fact, a group of woke activists have decided to take the name even further and turn it into the name of a super secret spy agency, akin to Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (S.H.I.E.L.D. Is an acronym for “Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division.”)
The new Agents of W.O.K.E. have created a powerful team of cybernetically enhanced spy agents called AI-tifa who are dedicated to fighting the evil scourge of the MAGAhats and Trumpsters at home and abroad.
The acronym for W.O.K.E., at least as of this writing, is Wizards Overcoming Klansfolk and Extremists.
Coming to an agreement on this acronym was difficult. Originally, the “K” was to stand for “Klansmen,” but this was deemed gender discriminatory. “Klanspeople” also left out potentially Klans Furries, and thus “Klansfolk” was chosen as the most neutral alternative.
The selection of the term of W also took many days of debate and consensus building, as some deemed the term “wizards” to be potentially geared more towards males.
However, the Agents of W.O.K.E. wanted a word that could strike terror into the hearts of their red hatted enemies, a word that denoted their special cybernetic powers. And thus, the word “wizards” was chosen. Alternatives such as “witches” or “women” were discussed, but were deemed discriminating against the nonbinary, including the variations womyn and wimmin, or just wim.
Ultimately, it was argued that many famous female wizards existed, such as Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter series, despite JK Rowling being unwoke, and that the male version of a witch is a warlock, not a wizard, so out of a process of elimination, the word “wizard” must therefore be gender-neutral.
We must note here that Galadriel of Middle Earth may also be deemed a wizard due to her ringly powers. Despite not technically being a wizard member of the Istari, she certainly acted like a wizard, what with her magical hand-waving and turning all green and scary in Lord of the Rings.
When Elrond also finally wielded a ring on power, he could also be considered a wizard; and given his bromance with Prince Durin of the dwarves, and the massive amount of online “shipping” pairing the two, Elrond may be considered at least an honorary member of LGBTQ+.
Also, many have argued that with their penchant for long hair and swishy robes, all elves are actually non-binary, and thus the elves themselves are a queer race, and as such, a fine example of wizardly energies, despite not technically being wizards in Tolkien’s mythology.
At any rate, after the long hullabaloo about the definitions of wizard, witch, warlock, and elf, the AI-tifa finally launched their new underground headquarters, in one of the hobbit holes created in New Zealand for the Lord of the Rings movies. From there, they monitor the earth for any signs of DEI-saster, with agents ready to fly to action at a moment’s notice.
Also satire:
As someone with no cybernetic abilities, I should inform you that some Klansfolk also identify as "Wizards" and the agents of WOKE should steer clear of any perceived association. Time to go back to the drawing board. 🤦♂️
I’m actually not sure if this is satire or real. 😂😂😂 🤔 please do enlighten me.